Living on purpose

What am I seeking in life? Who am I living for? For Him who created me? Indeed I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my Creator. Shouldn't He that I lived for? Yes it's for Him that I live! Yet often in my life I struggled loneliness. I want to be accepted by man. I want to be in their fellowship and be among them. But You O God, You set me apart,You have a purpose, a destiny for me....You planned my life, You called me... and I responded, 'here I am, use me, lead me'. I decided to live a life that pleases You. You made me a 'pot-filler'. I seemed to fit in well in places or ministries where no one want to be in.But of late, these pots seems to be bigger and bigger!O Lord,though fear does grip me at times but I'm willing...truly willing to take up these challenges, though I can't see what's in front of me. Lord,I feel like I'm sitting alone in a 'sampan', in a deep dark ocean; looking up the sky and the deep blue sea, not knowing where I'm heading but waiting for Your wind to take me to shore. My heard filled with anxiety, I have no one to talk to....no one seem to understand how I feel. My close friends seem like not so close anymore ...we don't share and laugh as we used to. Is this Your doing, Lord? Somehow,I just don't feel like to be in the group, in fellowship; I seemed like drifted myself away! Why Lord? Is it because my husband don't join in the fellowship anymore? I really don't know, really, really don't know!!! Or... is this You preparing me for the ministry You are about to begin in me? Is this ministry really a lonely journey?? Do I have to die to self at this season of my life? O Lord, grant me peace....fill my heart with Your joy. Lord, Lord, I will find fulfillment in doing Your will.I will keep pressing toward the cross that is set before me.Help me not to look back but to look forward only. Help me Lord to run the race that is set before me, help me to run steadfastly and victoriously! Help me Lord.... Your joy shall be my strength! Praise You and love You ...